Newlyweds: Don’t Let Financial Stress Take The Cake

There are so many things to think about when you’re just married, or about to be, and no Wedding ceremonyone would rate finances as the most exciting of them. In fact, studies show that money (not relatives) is the number one reason couples argue. Those financial arguments (again, not relatives) are one of the top predictors of divorce.

So, how can you avoid becoming a statistic? Here are some tips.

Talk To Each Other

A poll by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling found that 68% of engaged couples held a negative attitude about discussing money. 45% considered it “necessary but awkward,” while 7% said it was “likely to lead to a fight.” Five percent said they thought it would cause them to call off the wedding.

The result? Couples just don’t talk about finances. A Fidelity survey said more than one-third don’t even know their partner’s salary. The irony is that 72% of those same couples said they communicate “very well” about financial matters.

It’s not surprising, when you think about it. What’s romantic or sexy about debt, budgets, taxes, wills, and the like? But, while there isn’t a plan to keep every newly married couple happy, experts agree: Don’t wait to talk about money.

Taxes, for example, are boring (and scary), but they may be important right now. If you and your spouse are employed, the “marriage penalty” may force you to pay more taxes when married than while you were single. So, think about marrying in January rather than December. But if one spouse earns most of the money, you’ll enjoy a “marriage bonus” and pay less than two singles; a December wedding might be wise in that scenario.

Speaking about money now is definitely important, but so is how. A 2004 study by SmartMoney found that more than 70% of couples talk about money at least weekly. So what’s the problem? “Most of us don’t know how to talk about money,” says Mary Claire Allvine, a certified financial planner. “People tend to be emotional and reactive, not strategic.”

Whether you talk about money weekly, monthly or on some other schedule, what matters is that you agree on a system and stay open to changing it.

Get Started

Taking the first step can be difficult, so start off easy, with questions like “What’s your first money memory?” or “How did you spend your allowance?” Then move on to some of these:

  • “Are you a spender or a saver?” – If one of you is a saver and the other a spender, create a budget that considers both styles. Studies show that men and women spend differently. Women often take care of daily expenses (groceries, utilities, clothes) while men make larger purchases, such as TVs, cars or computers. The amounts might be the same, but the perceptions are very different. About 36% of partners don’t talk to each other about big purchases, and that’s a recipe for disaster.
  • “Are you in debt?” – A TD Ameritrade survey found that 38% of couples were “only somewhat” or “not at all” aware   of their partner’s debts. When you get married, your spouse’s debt doesn’t automatically becomes yours, but what he or she owes will affect both your choices. For instance, heavy credit card debt could make it more difficult to buy a home. Make reducing debt a priority.
  • “What are your financial goals?” or “Where do you want to be five or twenty years from now?” – People who identify specific goals make faster progress toward savings and investing targets. But first, you need to agree on what those targets are: buying a home, starting a family, being debt-free? List your individual goals, then share them with each other and make a joint plan.

Know what’s important to each of you. What do you value more, things you can keep or experiences to remember?       Maybe one of you wants to buy a house while the other thinks saving for retirement is essential. Get these things out in the open early.

Trust Each Other

A recent Money survey revealed that couples who trust their partner with finances feel more secure, argue less, and have more fulfilling sex lives. That level of trust, though, isn’t common among newlyweds. “We’re intimate with our partners in so many ways before marriage, and yet money remains off the table,” says Paula Levy, a marriage and family therapist.

Be honest. If you made a purchase you shouldn’t have, own up to it. Some 40% of men and women confess they’ve lied to their spouse about the price of something they bought, and lying about money can have huge repercussions.
Support each other. Retreating doesn’t help, and neither does finger-pointing. Work together to come up with a game plan.

You’re Still Individuals

Celebrate the differences. If your partner is a bargain-hunter, put him in charge of the spending while you invest the savings. And decide on a monthly amount each of you can spend, no questions asked. The average amount couples say this should be, according to Money, is $150.

There are pros and cons to opening a joint bank account. SmartMoney found that 64% of couples put all of their money in joint accounts, while 14% kept everything in separate accounts. For many newlyweds, the ideal choice may be both: yours, mine, and our accounts. Once you’ve determined shared living expenses, both of you can contribute your portion of those costs to the joint account based on your share of household income.

Ask For Help

If you and your spouse find money conversations tough, you might want to bring in a financial planner or other professional. Your credit union can help – that’s why they’re there. Take steps now to ensure that money won’t put rocks on your path to wedded bliss.

SOURCES:
http://time.com/money/4776640/money-tips-married-couples/
http://www.moneycrashers.com/money-management-newly-married-couples/
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Personal-Finance-for-Couples
https://www.moneymanagement.org/Budgeting-Tools/Credit-Articles/Love-and-Money/Ten-questions-to-consider-before-you-commit.aspx
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/05/financial-advice_n_3391292.html
https://www.thespruce.com/financial-advice-for-married-couples-2302874
http://www.wife.org/love-money-25-financial-tips-for-couples.htm 

How Everyone Else Spends Their Money


One of the most difficult obstacles in setting a budget is understanding how much is needed for each category. Is $500 enough for groceries or should it be $1,000? How do I know if I’m being extravagant when it comes to entertainment? Am I saving enough?

The same difficulty comes up when it’s time to negotiate your salary or ask for a raise. If we don’t know how much money everyone else is making, it’s difficult to ask for a fair amount. No one wants to leave money on the table because they asked for less than the boss would have agreed to, but there’s a little voice in the back of our heads that makes us uncomfortable with asking for too much.

That little voice is part of the problem, of course.  It’s what keeps us from asking the neighbors how they managed to save up enough to buy the house. It’s what keeps us from being willing to admit our budget isn’t where we’d like it to be. Our overall discomfort with discussing money, which lies in stark contrast to our willingness to show off our money, can be an incredibly large problem.

In hopes of helping you live within your means, understanding where you’re being frugal and where you’re being extravagant, and figuring out what it will take to save for a house, retirement, or college fund, let’s take a look at how the typical American household makes and spends its money. As a reminder for those who haven’t taken algebra since high school, most of these statistics use the median figure, which is the number at which 50% of Americans would be above the number and 50% would be below. That number is more accurate than the mean or average, simply because the ultra-wealthy distort the mean, in spite of making up a very small proportion of the population. 

Question:  How much do Americans make?

Answer:  The typical household income is just shy of $54,000.  That number comes from the U.S. Census Bureau, which is reliable, but its reliability comes slowly:  it’s a 2014 stat. Still, our income is up one percent from 2013, and another 1 percent would put us at right about $60,000. After a few years of sub-one percent income growth in the middle class, every little bit helps.

Question:  How much money does the typical American have saved? Does age affect our savings?

Answer:  It really does.  Young people have the least saved, with 51% of Americans under 35 keeping less than $1,000 in savings.  Millennials have a negative savings rate of about 10%, meaning that for every $100 young people make, they spend $110 on average.  The savings outlook gets rosier as Americans get older, though, with positive savings rates among every other adult age-related demographic. Americans between the ages of 35 and 44 years old save at nearly a 3% rate, which doubles to nearly 6% for those between the ages of 45 and 54, and doubling again to 13% in the decade before retirement.

As for the total amount saved for a rainy day, the typical American household has around $6,000 in savings, around 12% of median household income.  Unfortunately, roughly one-third of all Americans reported that they had less than 30 days of emergency savings, while 47% said they had less than 90 days.

Financial planners typically recommend households keep at least six months of emergency savings on hand, although some analysts suggest household savings should be equal to a year’s income.  Six months of median income would be $27,000. 

Question:  So, how do we spend our money?

Answer:  The biggest chunk of the typical American budget goes to housing, at roughly $18,000 per year. That’s about one-third of our paychecks, which has a ripple effect throughout the economy.  It makes homeownership crucial, because getting back equity on part of that huge slice is the first step to financial security.  It also causes all sorts of geographic problems:  A family needs an income over $150,000 per year to buy a home in Los Angeles, but only $48,000 to afford a home in Orlando. Since everyone needs a place to live, employers have to pay employees more in expensive cities, driving up the prices of goods and services across the board and raising everyone’s cost of living. Thus, lower-income individuals are pushed farther and farther from city centers, lengthening commutes, increasing transportation costs and generating CO2.

Transportation costs about $10,000 per year, the second most expensive budget category, while food costs of around $7,000 come in third.  Both of these categories will be cheaper in next year’s numbers because fuel prices are so intimately tied into both.  Still, if you’re looking to clean up your budget, the 30% or so that typical families spend on cars, gas, groceries, and eating out is probably the quickest way to trim fat.

Personal insurance and health costs take up another $9,000 per year, so your health care and health insurance might cost more than your food.  Eating healthier may reduce all of these costs for your family, although it’s not clear how much less expensive eating healthy really is. 

The rest of our spending is discretionary spending, split into three roughly equal categories:  entertainment, clothes, and everything else. These numbers vary considerably from family to family and year-to-year.  If you bought a new washer/dryer last year, for example, you’re probably not in the market for a new one right now.

Hopefully, this article was enlightening and it can help you figure out how you’ve been spending your money as well as what adjustments you might make to save a little extra money.  If you’re looking to set up a more aggressive savings plan, let us know. We’ve got great programs and we’re eager to help you out.

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